When asked to describe the perfect mother, you might conjure up an image of someone who bakes cookies from scratch, keeps a spotless home, and volunteers at every school fundraiser. But since 2018, self-described cannabis and sex-positive moms Jamilah Mapp and Erica Dickerson have used their podcast, Good Moms Bad Choices, to shred those outdated ideas in favor of something way more realistic (and fun). And with thousands of loyal listeners and over 140,000 followers on Instagram, the pair has amassed a following that is eager to receive their message.
Now Mapp and Dickerson are out with a new book, “A Good Mom’s Guide to Making Bad Choices,” that continues to flip the idea of what makes a good mom on its perfectly polished head. Through candid, no-holds-barred conversations about their unique paths to motherhood, these ladies are giving women the freedom to be their fun and sexy selves while still being present for their children.
The Root caught up with Dickerson and Mapp about their new book and the friendship they say has empowered them to keep it real.
The best friends and co-hosts say they wanted their book to take an honest look at the challenges and transitions that come with motherhood in a way they hadn’t seen done before. And they hoped that by sharing their stories, they would help other women who once felt ashamed, feel seen.
“All of the books I’d read about motherhood were not written by women of color. And a lot of them didn’t emphasize the ways you could care for yourself,” Mapp said. “We wanted to create a book that could speak honestly to women like us about the experience of motherhood.”
“One of the things I’ve learned from our podcast is that so many women feel alone and ashamed in their choices – good or bad,” Dickerson added. “We went so far with the stories because it allows women to feel safe and understood.”
Through their stories, Dickerson and Mapp affirm that being a mom doesn’t mean you can’t be yourself – even if that means smoking a little weed and having sex. “Moms have sex. That’s literally why we’re moms,” Mapp laughs.
But this book is so much more than a permission slip to smoke a joint every now and then. Mapp and Dickerson use humor and honesty to help other women identify past traumas and move forward as their authentic selves, something they say will ultimately help them be better parents.
“We wanted [other women] to understand that there is freedom and peace in choosing yourself. Forget what other people say, because, at the end of the day, your happiness and your peace is what’s important – especially when you’re a mother,” Mapp says.
From their birth plan to their relationships with their children’s fathers, the single moms are honest with readers about how things in their real lives haven’t always lined up with the stuff of their dreams. But they say they have found strength in their friendship and stress the importance of cultivating positive relationships with other moms you can’t count on.
“I don’t think I would have experienced this amount of radical healing and radical honesty if I didn’t have this friend who gave me the courage and confidence to do it,” Mapp says.
At the end of the day, the ladies hope their book helps shifts the idea that women have to show up in the way our culture defines as perfect. And it’s a message they hope their daughters will get from book – when they’re old enough to read it.
“I hope that they see both of their mothers as human. I think a lot of times we paint mothers as these superhumans (and we are). But we have feelings and we make mistakes,” Dickerson says. “There’s so much power in being authentic, and I hope that we are showing our daughters that that is the superpower of being a woman - our softness, our ability to nurture, but also to be strong, solve problems and power through.”
“Every experience I’ve ever had has made me the woman I am today and I’m not mad at it. I like who I am. And I think women need to hear that,” Mapp adds. “And if it takes for us to be super raw and vulnerable and say all of the crazy taboo things, then f*ck it, I’m here for it.”